Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Playing Catch-Up

Well it's been about a month and a half since I've blogged. Let me catch you up.

  1. I got caught chatting on yahoo with random guys
  2. I asked for forgiveness from Scott, and still haven't gotten it
  3. I asked for forgiveness from God, my heart is at peace again
  4. The guilt is gone, Scott is still my husband and will forgive me in time
  5. A new leaf was turned over
  6. Started a semi-low-carb diet
  7. Got my house 80% clean
  8. Love my husband more than ever
I don't know why I did it. I wanted attention, I wanted to feel special. Maybe I was just horny, I really can't tell you. But I'm sure of one thing, that I am a sinner and I need God's grace more than ever. 

I've cheated before, like "real cheating," in "real life" with "real guys." And the guilt wasn't as bad as it was after this time. I know better now, and when you know better you do better. When you know better you also feel more guilt. That might be a good thing. 

Eventually you develop mechanisms to cope with the guilt. You tell yourself excuses.
  • I'm human and humans have physical needs
  • I don't love these men, they don't really mean anything
  • It's just for fun
  • It's not really cheating if you don't get caught
  • It's only online, this isn't real life
But it comes down to one question "Would you do this in front of your husband, or in front of God?" If the answer is "No" then it's probably cheating. 

So I'm done, and I'm not perfect; I still have desires and guilt. But everyday I can wake up and ask God for forgiveness and ask him to give me victory over my sin, just today, just one day at a time.